Sunday, July 19, 2009
Coveting Oneself: Is Abstinence Obsolete Today?
This may simply be a personal observation, but I'm wondering if abstinence is still relevant in young society. It seems that there are few virgins left that are not married that is. I pass no judgement either way, I can't. I was just contemplating how much society has changed and what our social cues are. Music, movies and other media channels promote a culture of pre-marital sex (Birthday Sex keeps playing through my mind and I swear Jeremih is 15). What are your thoughts on our sexed up society and our individual roles as players in a huuuuge swingers club.
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Soo...I will have more to say on a later date...I'm about to head to sleep right about now...just wanted to make a point of clarification: "Jeremih" is 22 yrs. old. He went to my high school :-)
ReplyDeletehahahaha lol thanks mo, i just need clarification.
ReplyDeleteQ: Is abstinence obsolete today?
ReplyDeleteA: Not entirely.
I would say in America it is *mostly* obsolete. Maybe about 10% of women and about 1% of men plan on remaining virgins until marriage (clearly I made these numbers up... but I'm probably right). I would also assume that because of their religious principles individuals who decide to make this commitment are Christians. In countries that still have strong religious overtones (read: a majority of non-Western countries), a greater amount of young people remain celibate until marriage.
In the states, our founding statement "in God we trust" is gradually becoming less true as we become a more atheistic society. With laxer adherence to religious rules & regulations, things that were once taboo, like sex, have become common, everyday parts of society. I don't think there's anything wrong with the *idea* of becoming a more sexually charged society, but for the U.S. the problem is in the execution. Since the sexual revolution in the 1960s, the rates of STDs and unwanted pregnancies have grossly increased. One would think that people would revert to celibacy, but the influence of (unnecessarily) sexual lyrics, revealing sex scenes in movies, accessibility of porn, and the societal pressure for kids to lose their virginity at an increasingly young age has decreased the number of abstinent youth.
Abstinence *could* be relevant, but since it's not "cool", kids want to lose their virginity younger and younger. Ironically, if kids were taught at a younger age that it's ok to wait (not necessarily all the way till marriage), then the downsides of having a sexualized society (unwanted pregnancies and STDs) could be reduced.
Abstinence is obsolete now because of modern contraceptives and the fact that we have the knowledge and technology to prevent the spread of STDS when people are properly educated about safe sex. When the bible was being written, an unwed mother was treated as the scum of the earth. Now, they have rights, they can work to support their child on their own and are not dependent on a man to marry for support. On top of that, studies have shown time and time again that teaching safe sex leads to lower pregnancy and STD rates than teaching abstinence does.
DeleteAlso, "in god we trust" is in no way a "founding statment". The fact that you think it is shows you know virtually nothing about the founding of our country, or it's history. In god we trust wasn't even added to our money until the 50's when everyone was wetting their panties over "godless communism", and the statment in and of itself goes against everything this country stands for (religious freedom) by imposing one religion on all, even though this country was founded so that everyone could practice their own beliefs (and lack thereof) without persecution. Sadly that is not the case here, as anyone who is not a christian white person is treated as a second class citizen. This is especially visible with atheists, homosexuals, etc. If you want to live somewhere that bases the rules on your religion, move to israel. Otherwise, stop trying to impose your theocratic ideas on everyone else.
I guess part of it depends on what we consider sex. Some people think everything is sex except kissing and that leads kids to thinking that you can't do anything enjoyable with a potential partner. We can't set standards and make ppl feel like they are impossible to uphold. We need to let kids know that there are alternative options to enjoyable, healthy relationships
ReplyDeleteMy fault if anything has already been said. I've been thinking about this topic for a while and finally came up with something to write...
ReplyDeleteAs far as society, sexuality in pop culture has def. become more prominent. Think back to some of the shows we used to watch…Sister, Sister (no real mention of sex ever lol)…Boy Meets World (only mentioned once Cory and Topanga got married)…Moesha (it came up a lot but never without it being a big deal or a discussion about it, rarely just casually mentioned)…Clueless (even the main girl was a V, a proud one at that). All the TV dramas featured mainly adult casts and plots. So the images of teens/young adults back then were not so focused on sex, but being young and living life. Nowadays, Degrassi, Gossip Girls, 90210 and others include sex (and drugs and any other possible problems a teen could face lol) as a storyline so much that you almost forget that these characters are supposed to be 5+ years younger than you. Of course, the music has also changed. The songs just weren’t as forward or vulgar as they are today. When I was younger, yes I loved Pony (Ginuwine), Nice n Slow (Usher), Red Light Special (TLC), Too Close (Next), n others like it (I mean I am from Chicago…home of Mr. 12 Play himself) but even though their subjects were sex, at that age oftentimes I hadn’t the slightest clue about what they were talking about, or if I did, my PG mind could only take it so far. Of course, you had Adina Howard, Lil’ Kim, Three 6 Mafia, n others BUT 1) back then, artists used to have a “radio edit” of their songs so unless you had the album version, you may never have known how nasty a song really was, and 2) they always seemed to cater to a more adult crowd. B/c of the culture now, lyrics just seem a lot more forward because the radios and video channels aren’t editing the way they used to and you have 14 yr olds singing songs from ppl like Pretty Ricky and Wayne b/c they are catering to a younger audience. Of course, I could say maybe my mom just tried to keep certain songs away from me when I was young but anybody who knows me know that that was not the case…besides it’s very hard to shield children away from popular music, esp. when it’s so darn catchy.
Now I can’t (and don’t like to) speak for others when it comes to personal opinions, but as for my views on sex nowadays, I say to each his own. I can understand why some ppl would want to wait until marriage (religion, fear of pregnancy, ‘gift to husband’) but there’s also reasons for not wanting to wait (in love, physically/emotionally/mentally ready)…as long as it’s protected, do ya thing! My personal views have been, originally, to wait until I got out of high school (lol), but always when I felt ready and found somebody who meant enough to me to do so...life would have it that there was a bit of bad timing or I just didn’t feel that way about the guys I talked to. Looking back though, I can look back on past relationships and be glad that I didn’t do anything with them…makes for a cleaner break, and if they turned out to be a jerk, it’s like well at least he didn’t get what he wanted. And nowadays, STIs running amok in the African-American community, even more reason for me to take my time.
When I think about this question of course it gets personal. I think about the age I was when I lost my virginity, why I gave it up, etc. It is difficult to get myself back in my 16 year old mindset, but I will say I did it with someone I was in love with. I thought I was going to be with this guy for the rest of my life!! Needless to say after it happened, I FREAKED OUT. 3 days after it happened (February 17th, 2004) I ran to my mother and cried like a baby. I told her that I was afraid and needed her, and though she was disappointed, the first thing she did was talk with me. I feel like that is the KEY part. She TALKED WITH me. She didn't ostracize me, she didn't castigate me, she didn't even yell at me!! We just sat there and talked. I feel like when we think of our "oversexed" population, the main problem is the communication. Who is talking to who. We have Wayne and R. Kelly talking to our kids about having sex with EVERY GIRL IN THE WORLD and MAKING LOVE BY THE DINNER ROLLS. Why are they the source of information for our youth?! What can WE do to break down those communication barriers. I'm not sure why I ran to my mother before my older sister, but I believe its because my mother always allowed me to OWN my emotions. To further explain, if I was sad, my mother would never just say get over it. She would make it so that I can be sad, then she would help me find a way to ease the pain and she would give me time to get over it. Her patience, her understanding, her unconditional love. Those are things that are missing from our community. We are too quick to criticize and judge, and we really need to have open dialogues with these young people. I hope that when we have children, we will be that person they turn to when they are thinking about having sex, or even if they already made did it!! Or even nieces, nephews, whoever. Ain't nothing wrong with sex, besides the whole baby making part, its a wonderful thing at times!! It's going in BLIND and ALONE that's the problem. I honestly think the world would be a better place if we were all sexually liberated, lol. But that's just me. What makes it so hard to handle is the ignorance of the participants. From STD's to unwanted pregnancies. A lot of that can be fixed if we just owned our sexual beasts and discussed our choices :)
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